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Abuse hurts for generations to come
Discipline - helps a child learn a lesson, a positive lesson that will build charactor and affect future behaviors. Abuse - affects a child in negative ways that impacts their mental, physical and spiritual state. It also leads to negative feelings of rejection, anger, hatred and deviant behaviors. It results in alienating them from the very nurturing needs that promote a healthy and strong personality. The personal constructs that build healthier members within our community and society as a whole. Remember societies affect everyone. Discipline - encourages and enhances a child's self worth, their value, strengthening their self control. Again, producing a healthier productive member within the community. Abuse - robs the child of value and self reflective worth resulting in feelings of resentment and rejection. No child deserves to feel like that, no other person has the right to implement such feelings upon a child. Discipline - is not and should not produce shame or guilt. That is not discipline it is punishment or revenge. Abuse - is the punishment or revenge that is implemented upon another to satisfy another's needs not to build a constructive value within a child. It destroys the child's self image, is hostile in nature Discipline is taught by example and so is abuse.
How can I tell if someone is abusive?
This is not an exhaustive list but a good indicator of an abusive nature
PHYSICAL ABUSE
Hitting Threatening with
weapons or any part of their body Practicing Martial Arts to intimidate
Punching Hair Pulling Scratching
Pushing Grabbing Slapping
Kicking Destroying Property Reckless driving
Restraining & Holding Taking Car Keys Pushing you out of a car
Biting Threatening with fist Touching with control
Choking or Poking
Excessive tickling Throwing things at you Thrown around bodily
Banging against a wall
VERBAL ABUSE
Name calling Brainwashing Threatening tone of voice
Swearing Blaming Contradicting
Yelling Outright cruelty Irrational questioning
Degrading comments Calling you crazy Interrogating
Mimicking Twisting your words Using Information you told them against you
Threatening to take children away Guilt-producing statements Sarcasm
Put-downs "You are not okay" statements
Lying/deceitfulness Demanding
SEXUAL ABUSE
Forcing sex Making sexual threats with objects Sex for favors
Withholding sex Sex as a form of control Pornography without consent
Rude stories/gestures Intimidation to perform non-mutual sexual acts Shaming
Double standards Sexualizing in public
Using sex as a weapon Rape
Dirty talk without consent Possessiveness
Punishment for not complying Mocking of body parts
Laughing at you Accusations
EMOTIONAL ABUSE
Double standards Playing mind games Degrading in public
Crazy-making behaviors Withholding money Not ok to be sick
Isolation from family/friends Accusations Intimidation
Silent treatment Harming pets Discounting behaviors
Telling you how you feel and think Questioning paternity Twisting things
"His" or "her" agenda
Inequity in the partnership Selective memory
Empty promises Sabotaging
Controlling the money
Avoiding issues Stalking Stalking
Bringing up the past
Guilty gift-giving Harassing
Immature behavior Threatening suicide
Tension in home
Animal cruelty often hints at family abuse, forum told
Nov 08, 2012
Police are urging the public to come forward with information after an injured dog branded with the numbers “191” was found in Aurora.
KITCHENER — Social workers can often discover whether abuse is occurring in a home by asking children about their pets, a forum in Kitchener heard Wednesday.
Child abuse, domestic violence and animal cruelty are “clearly linked,’’ Mary Zilney, executive director of Women’s Crisis Services of Waterloo Region, told about 100 people at the forum called HAV-Link (Human Animal Violence). It was the first meeting of a new coalition that hopes to educate social agencies to watch for abuse of both humans and animals when working with families in crisis. The forum was held at The Family Centre. Zilney recalled interviewing a boy during an investigation of alleged abuse. They were in his kitchen when she asked, “What’s that on the wall?’’
“Oh, my dad threw the cat against the wall,’’ the boy said, explaining the blood stain.
“Does he hurt anybody else?’’ Zilney asked. “Yes, he hurts my mom and sometimes me,’’ she said the boy told her. Her story shows how social workers can often learn what’s going on in a family by talking about pets in the home. “Out of the mouth of babes,’’ Zilney said in an interview. “Use the subject of animals to engage a child,’’ she urged people at the forum. Women may fear revealing abuse by a partner, Zilney said. But children always like to talk about their pets, even when it may be unpleasant.
Zilney says agencies need to consider “the whole family system’’ during investigations — and that means asking questions about both animals and people. Humane Society officers need to look for signs that women or children are being abused when investigating animal cruelty complaints, she said. And child welfare workers need to ask about family pets during their investigations.
If agencies work in isolation without knowing the whole picture, the proper treatment plan for families won’t be put in place, she said. She presented research from Spain showing that 76 per cent of abused women in hospital said their animals had also been abused.
“We know every serial killer tortured small animals as a child,’’ Zilney said. “Animal abuse in adolescence is an indicator of later abuse of a domestic partner and often abuse of children.’’
Caring about family pets is important because many women won’t leave abusive relationships without their pets. And children also suffer if they have to leave their pets, she said.
Zilney spearheaded a pilot program in 2001 in which the Guelph Humane Society and Family and Children’s Services in Guelph collected and cross-reported statistics on cruelty.
In 12 months, seven of 26 cases presented cruelty concerns for both agencies.
But the fledgling coalition fell apart in 2006. “It was very difficult to get Family and Children’s Services workers on board,’’ Zilney said. They felt their mandate was solely child protection.
She is now resurrecting the coalition and is approaching key leaders in community agencies to become involved. There are four key members of the coalition: the Kitchener-Waterloo Humane Society, Family and Children’s Services, Women’s Crisis Services of Waterloo Region and Supportive
Housing of Waterloo. Zilney hopes to include police, judges, crown attorneys, probation workers, veterinarians, public health workers and others. Alison Scott, executive director of Family and Children’s Services of Waterloo Region, supports the idea. When we assess harm to children, we need to include pets on the radar,’’ she told those at the forum. The Wilfrid Laurier School of Social Work is also a partner. The school will hold a clinic offering free pet care to homeless, marginally housed and abused women on Dec. 1. It’s expected 20 pre-screened people will bring their pets.
Links to product information to find out of your child is safe and to keep them safe
Physical and Behavioral Indicators of Abuse
I have listed some of the more predominate indicators of abuse below, this is not an exhaustive list nor proof of abuse but a starting point that should be further investigated. Physical Abuse Physical Indicators Unexplained bruises (in various stages of healing)
NEGLECT Physical Indicators Abandonment
Sexual Abuse Physical Indicators Sexual abuse may be non-touching: obscene language, pornography, exposure - or touching: fondling, molesting, oral sex, intercourse Physical Indicators Emotional abuse may be name-calling, insults, put-downs, etc., or it may be terrorization, isolation, humiliation, rejection, corruption, ignoring
What You Can Do • Believe him/her – and let her know that you do. If you know her partner, remember that abusers most often act different in public than they do in private. • Listen to what she tells you. Really listen to her and ask questions to make sure you understand what she is saying. Avoid making judgments and giving advice. You will most likely learn directly from her what it is she needs. • Build on her strengths. Based on what she tells you and on what you have seen, point out the ways in which she has developed ways to cope, solved problems, and showed courage and determination. Even if the things she has tried have not been completely successful, help her to build on these strengths. • Validate her feelings. It is common for women to have conflicting feelings – love and fear, guilt and anger, hope and sadness. Let her know that her feelings are normal. • Avoid victim-blaming. Tell her that the abuse is not her fault. Tell her that the abuse is her partner’s problem and his responsibility, but don’t “bad-mouth” him • Take it seriously. If you are concerned about her safety, tell her you are concerned without judgment by simply saying, “Your situation sounds dangerous and I’m concerned about your safety.” • Offer help. Offer specific forms of help and information. If she asks you to do something you’re willing and able to do, do it. If you can’t or don’t want to, say so and help her find other ways to have that need met. Then look for other ways that you can help. • Be a partner in her safety planning efforts. The key to safety planning is taking a problem, looking at all of the available options, evaluating the risks and benefits of different options, and figuring out ways to reduce the risks. Offer ideas, resources and information. • Support and respect her decisions. Remember that there are risks with every decision an abused woman makes. If you really want to be helpful, be patient and respect a woman’s decisions, even if you don’t agree with them. TIPS FOR PARENTS AND CARETAKERS
Discipline - helps a child learn a lesson, a positive lesson that will build charactor and affect future behaviors. Abuse - affects a child in negative ways that impacts their mental, physical and spiritual state. It also leads to negative feelings of rejection, anger, hatred and deviant behaviors. It results in alienating them from the very nurturing needs that promote a healthy and strong personality. The personal constructs that build healthier members within our community and society as a whole. Remember societies affect everyone. Discipline - encourages and enhances a child's self worth, their value, strengthening their self control. Again, producing a healthier productive member within the community. Abuse - robs the child of value and self reflective worth resulting in feelings of resentment and rejection. No child deserves to feel like that, no other person has the right to implement such feelings upon a child. Discipline - is not and should not produce shame or guilt. That is not discipline it is punishment or revenge. Abuse - is the punishment or revenge that is implemented upon another to satisfy another's needs not to build a constructive value within a child. It destroys the child's self image, is hostile in nature. Discipline is taught by example and so is abuse. (Rev Hamilton 2011) A.G. KING SAYS NEW CNA IS TOUGH AND EFFECTIVE Who's Watching Our Children? 1998 Volunteers for Children Act Amendment to the 1993 National Child Protection Act
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Behavioral Indicators Self destructive Behavior Indicators Regularly displays fatigue or listlessness, falls asleep in class Behavior Indicators Excessive seductiveness Behavioral Indicators Habit disorder (sucking, rocking, biting) On October 9, 1998, the Volunteers for Children Act was signed into law by President Clinton as Public Law 105-251, amending the National Child Protection Act of 1993. Because of this important amendment, specified organizations and businesses may now use national fingerprint-based criminal history checks to screen out volunteers and employees with relevant criminal records. This includes any business or organization that provides care, treatment, education, training, instruction, supervision, or recreation for children, the elderly, or individuals with disabilities, -- whether public, private, for-profit, not-for-profit, or voluntary. With this amendment, if a volunteer or employee of an organization sexually molests a child in his or her care and if it can be shown that this volunteer or employee had previously been convicted of a relevant crime (in the US), that organization may be held liable for negligent hiring. If a current or potential volunteer or employee has a relevant criminal history, he or she must be prevented from having unsupervised access to children, the elderly, or the disabled. Such a person must not be placed in a position where he or she may victimize again. It is imperative that every authorized organization, particularly those who deal with children, immediately start requiring fingerprint-based criminal history checks. This study was done in 1999 when we consider the shape of society today vs. 1999 how do you think the percentage has changed? Fifty percent of Americans do nothing New Study by Prevent Child Abuse America Reveals Alarming Trends in How Americans Respond to Child Abuse To educate the general public on appropriate and effective responses to child abuse in a public place, Prevent Child Abuse America has launched a new public service campaign. The campaign includes brochures and posters offering advice on positive parenting and on how to respond effectively when observing child abuse or neglect in a public place. With funding from Target Stores, a longtime supporter of the organization’s child abuse prevention programs, the materials are being distributed through Prevent Child Abuse America’s nationwide network of chapters, offering the following tips for responding to child abuse or neglect in a public place: Start a conversation with the adult to direct attention away from the child. For example: "My child gets upset like that, too." Start a conversation with the adult to direct attention away from the child. For example: "My child gets upset like that, too." The public service campaign is part of a major effort to communicate the new name for Prevent Child Abuse America, which has previously been known as the National Committee to Prevent Child Abuse. With 27 years of experience and a network of 42 state chapters, Prevent Child Abuse America is the leading organization working at the national, state and local levels to prevent child abuse in all its forms.
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Where Do I Report possible abuse?
Alabama - Report by County - 334-242-9500 California - Report by County Minnesota - Report by County
| Nebraska - 800-652-1999 | Rhode Island - 800-RI-CHILD ( 800-742-4453) (nationwide, 24 hours) South Dakota - Report by County Wyoming - 800-457-3659 (In state, report by county)
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Links to help and education if you are someone you know is being abused
