American Intelligence for Truth and Justice  

One out of every five murders are caused by Domestic Violence.  The two main causes are; (1) violence that gets out of control to the point that it kills, (2) Violence victims who attempt to leave the partnership, friendship, family unit for safety.  Whatever the reason they decide to leave, for freedom, to end the abuse, for the children's sake.....whatever finally determines that decision to leave the abusive situation they do not adequately assess the situational dangers of leaving an abusive partner or family member.  They realize the threat because they have been there before but they do not realize the stressor that is created when an abuser feels they have been abandoned and what that abandonment creates within that personality. 

Especially when the victim has not progressed beyond the realm of being an possession or object that is owned.  Ownership eliminates the personhood of the victim.  This is also a major factor for previous victims who interpret the controlling nature of possession and ownership with love that seems to fill the empty place created by the previous victimization.  Possessiveness and control is not love, it does not mean that the abuser must really care and that you are valuable......It is the replacement of value that you are seeking but you must realize that what an abuser is offering you is not a value but a de-valued personhood.  The seperation between you as a person of value and that of an object of ownership in which can provide the abuser relief and justifications through their actions.

I will not say that in all cases the victim does not take actions that escalate the abuse.  Many times they do, there are those who have been victims and that becomes their confort zone and they become a life time victim.  Victims who invite abuse do not deserve the abuse but  because it offers them an avenue to feel and to interact on the level that matches the emptiness that was left behind by their previous victimization.

Not all victims invite abuse nor do they take actions that deserve them.  Some times victims get invloved for the fact that they have a area within their heart that wants to help others and they rend to search out and fall for the underdog.  Someone who may or may not match their own self-esteem level of worth.

Ending Officer Involved Violence

Has your life become so dependant upon the emtional/Physical stability of another that you:  Regardless of who you are, where you are or how you are no one can give respect to a doormat. A doormat is a place to stomp, wipe, grind, shake, the parts attached to the user that they have no use for or do not desire to carry into a place they do respect. Humm? That is exactly what one does when they approach a doormat, a place to dump all the un-desirable substance so that they can walk "clean" or (without that ugly baggage weighting them down). The opportunity to once again walk free and clear of the ugly, to breathe once again without fear, burden or pressure.

So whatever becomes of that ugly, stinky, contaiment of substance containing God only knows what? Until some one cleans it up it remains in the doormat day after day, month after month. Sometimes it carries that substance until it cannot contain any more and begans to spill over at the sides. Sometimes another soul will see it and have mercy or the desire to set it free and cleans it.

At this point, some doormats taste a bit of freedom and like the breath of fresh air. They began to shake off the ugly substance trying to come back so it shakes and shimmers trying to continue to breathe. Other doormats may get the one (or another) that cleaned it to return again and again to maintain that cleaniness. Then other doormats will just not have or desire the energy/self esteem to fight and will become so matted that eventually it will require throwing out and replaced by a new one. While others feel that they do not deserve to be anything but that doormat and that is a lie. Regardless of where you are coming from, what you have done or what someone has done to you. YOU HAVE THE RIGHT NOT TO BE A DOORMAT! God did not create you to be a doormat, so many teachings have become twisted so that the truth cannot be seen. There is a difference between compromise or give and take and being a doormat.

 Does your everyday life depend on your actions becoming to:

Prevent (the emotions or actions of another from becoming harmful, tantums, anger, violent, controlling, etc.

Alter your life or reactions or the lives of your loved ones and friends to prevent onset or outbreak of negative reaction from another.

Are you being pushed into "overly" pleasing, that you have to always give all of yourself until you have become non-existant in order to actually to please that other person?

Do you find that your likes, hobbies, goals are becoming less important or maybe even being eliminated?

Has your family, friends, co-workers seem to have disappeared from spending time with you?

Do you find yourself more and more or even constantly making justifications and/or blaming yourself for things that another person has done or reacted unfavorably to?

Are you noticing that the "life" you have together (finances, friends, family, personal space, etc) is becoming more and more controlled by the other person and less yours?

Has your life become so dependant upon the emtional/Physical stability of another that you:

1) Alter how you are (allowed) to feel or have emotional/mental reaction to

2) Feel that you have nothing worthwhile to contribute, that you are to stupid, worthless or important

3) That how you think or feel about something are ALWAYS wrong, that they are not worthy of validation

4) Withdraw to the point that you no longer exist

5) Over pleasing others out of subconscience fear and the threat of being harmed

6) If your eveyday life depends on your ability to "control negative mood swings" and to bring peace or for stablility in the emotions of another then you are a doormat and most likely in an abusive or becoming abusive relationship.

 Please note: Not all persons are in a dangerous relationship and not all relationships are bad. The sad truth is that many are in "bad relationships" or on the path towards one and they may not see what really lies just ahead. For those who are in a bad relationship, being drawn into one (being manipulated and cannot see the dangers lurking down that rosey path) or trapped in fear and cannot get out.

The first thing an abuser will look for is your weakness, they know their behavior will never allow them to secure you under their control so they prey on your weakest point. That is the low self-esteem or the overly needy part of you that you may or may not even be aware of yourself. At this point they have found someone to release their "hidden side" to and you may feel as if you have found that perfect match who fulfills the needs others do not. This is all part of the manipulation to draw you into a place where they can gain control and lash out that "demon" waiting inside them to fulfill its desires. Ever wonder how they can be so sencerely sorry after an episode? This is why, they "the person" are truly sorry, it is the "demon personality" that has caused the harm but they feel responsible because they knew it was going to happen and they also either enjoy some portion of it and are un-willing to work at getting help or they do not know they can be helped.

For those of you who have given up your inner self to please or become a doormat you have not helped yourself or the one using you. In fact you are enabling them to continue to project that ugly substance upon another instead of seeing what is there inside of them. They will never be healed and freed by this method and you will never recover yourself as long as you lay down to become the doormat. 

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